


Cold as the dead both inside and out

by FallenAsh4419



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: A look at how i think klaus feels, Klaus Hargreeves Deserves Better, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus goes by he/they, Klaus is pansexual, drugs (mentioned), fight me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:22:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26248633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenAsh4419/pseuds/FallenAsh4419
Summary: Being yourself in a house where you’re typically unable was hard, but something Klaus often reveled in. Yes, their playful nature and mischief put them at odds with their siblings more often than not, but what was a little bit of attitude when it came to livening up the oppressive weight that hung over the house? Klaus liked to think that their siblings enjoyed their shenanigans, if not for the sake of their own ego, then maybe for some sort of reassurance that their siblings had loved them at some point.-------A look at what I think Klaus would think about his life and the events I like to imagine happened before cannon. And who knows, maybe I'll do what happens during cannon as well.I'm also sorry ahead of time for my grammar. While English is my native language I never really understood grammar rules no matter how much I worked at it kcvjnbxk so this might be a bit much with a ton of run on sentences
Kudos: 7





	Cold as the dead both inside and out

**Author's Note:**

> I really just wanted to take and run with the fact that Klaus is pan, and that I whole heartedly believe that he goes by he/they. I wanna use my own experiences to build off and explore him as a complex character that we haven't seen a lot of in the cannon of the tv show yet :) I know that its hard to explore every facet of a character you haven't written and that its easier to boil down a character (which i have been guilty of since its hard to fill a tiktok with every aspect of a character in 30 or less seconds). So i wanted to take this chance and maybe do him some real justice, and maybe do ben in the future since they are some of my biggest comfort characters :)

Being yourself in a house where you’re typically unable was hard, but something Klaus often reveled in. Yes, their playful nature and mischief put them at odds with their siblings more often than not, but what was a little bit of attitude when it came to livening up the oppressive weight that hung over the house? Klaus liked to think that their siblings enjoyed their shenanigans, if not for the sake of their own ego, then maybe for some sort of reassurance that their siblings had loved them at some point. Honestly though, it was a little hard to believe. Sure, Ben often preached that their siblings did indeed care for them, but the way they showed their care certainly was lacking. Many years of dismissal and lines like, “You know Klaus, he’s probably high again” weighed heavy on their heart and wasn't made better by their siblings' lackluster apologies a few days after an argument. 

When Klaus had their jaw wired shut after taking a fall down the stairs in their mother’s heels, their siblings rejoiced… and if that hurt them, they would never tell their siblings about it. Scathing comments aside, the snide remarks about "peace and quiet" drove a wedge even further between them. After what seemed to be an eternity, Klaus was able to speak again. But while they seemed to have gone right back to their obnoxious behaviour, Ben in particular could see the change in his sibling. Ben always seemed to know when something was wrong with Klaus and at times they downright resented him for it.

Their “father” always showed a bias towards the children with more visible powers, though that seemed to be everyone but them. The powers that yielded results despite the harm caused to the child’s psyche were favoured and allowed more slack in their leash, Luther being the most obvious example of this. Loyal to a fault, he worked himself to the ground to please their father and he was often rewarded for that. Dear sweet Allison of course fell into that category as well, but less so than Luther due to her habit to indulge Klaus in their escapades and “silliness”. Of course, if she were ever in any real trouble, Allison would just rumour herself out of it. The Academy’s golden girl rumoured her way into anything she wished. Klaus wished they had her power on their worst days… What they wouldn’t give for their family to love them. To make the world fall to their knees should they wish it. The idea was so tempting, it was a wonder that Allison didn’t rule the world already. Although, maybe in her own way, she already did.

Klaus’s drug habits really weren't anyone’s business but their own, but even after they had left the Academy Diego liked to make it his business. Sure Klaus was flattered that their brother cared, but the fact that it took this long to care really lessened the novelty of it all. If he had asked why instead of yelling and manhandling Klaus from the cell they had landed themself into for the night then maybe Klaus would have told him. Told him why the drugs were their only option. Why they had left so soon after Ben had died. Of course, Diego would never ask. That ship had probably sailed when Klaus admitted to their siblings that they could see Ben. That the least favourite sibling could see the most favourite sibling. Everyone thought that they were faking it. A sentiment that Ben thought was stupid given the glaringly obvious reason of Klaus having the power to see the dead. The fact that no one believed them had been the nail in the proverbial coffin for Klaus. The last straw that broke the camel’s back, and any other metaphor that ended with Klaus deciding to leave all they had ever known.

Five had never been a very agreeable sibling in any sense of the word. He was stubborn in ways that rivaled Luther and Diego, but smart in a way that surpassed Ben. That was saying something, because as a child, Klaus often thought that Ben was the smartest person in the entire world. Yeah Five was sure of himself in ways that none of his other siblings were, and Klaus could see where it could cause some to see Five as arrogant and self absorbed. Klaus would never say it out loud, and not like the others would believe them, but they could tell that Five loved all of his siblings very much. Maybe Klaus a little less than the others however, the sentiment was still there. Even after he disappeared, Klaus still got sober for short periods of time to look for him and make sure he wasn’t dead. It was the least they could do, and they did. They had looked and made sure that Five hadn’t met an untimely end until Klaus was well into their late 20’s. By the time Klaus had reached 30, they were just too exhausted to try anymore. Five had lucked out by leaving them all behind and Klaus liked to believe that Five was alive and well somewhere rubbing his intelligence into people’s faces.

Surprisingly, Klaus had run into Vanya after they both had left the Academy. They were sure that they’d never see any of their siblings after they had left, but here was little Vanya. Violin and all. They were glad that some things never changed. Sometimes Klaus needed constants, and Vanya and her violin was always going to be a constant. While Klaus wished to be like Allison as a child, they now wished to be like Vanya more than anything. Something that they were sure Vanya would vehemently disagree with. Saying something about how she had always wished to be like the rest of them. If Klaus could give Vanya the chance to be like the rest of their siblings they would, but if it came with the price that Klaus had to give their powers to Vanya… Well Klaus would rather die than have any of their siblings be forced to see what they see. They had expressed this to their siblings once when they all were children, and yet their siblings all called Klaus overdramatic. Vanya was so mad after Klaus had confessed this that she had refused to talk to them for a week. Ben had apologized for agreeing with the rest of their siblings when he had realized what Klaus saw on a daily basis and had seen that Klaus was in fact, not faking it. Vanya and Klaus had a cup of coffee, and then Klaus wouldn’t see Vanya for years after until they were all summoned back to the Academy for their father’s funeral. 

Ben was different from the rest of their siblings… While he wasn’t the saint that their siblings painted him to be after he had died, Ben was the gentlest of them all. Which was often a point of many of Klaus’s jokes due to the fact that he had arguably the most scary and lethal power out of all of their siblings. A portal to the home of some eldritch monster was sometimes terrifying to think about, yet Ben was one the most understanding out of all of the children in the Umbrella Academy. Ben, who never questioned why Klaus had started wearing their sister’s skirts. Ben, who had never questioned when Klaus had asked him to use they/them pronouns for them sometimes. Ben, who despite all the bullshit Klaus made him put up with, never left Klaus out to dry. Had never stopped trying to help Klaus. 

Klaus honestly thought that out of all of their siblings, Ben would be the only one who cared about Klaus and the funny thing was… that only happened after Ben had died. Some bitter part of Klaus said that Ben was only trying so hard because all of their siblings were inherently selfish. He didn’t wanna lose his one lifeline to the world of the living. Klaus had made Ben lose his chance to pass on, so Ben stuck around only for his own benefit. That had to be it. No other possibility made any sense. The idea that any of their siblings actually cared outside of any selfish reasons didn’t register anymore. Klaus had seen their true colours one too many times to have any faith in them anymore. Despite that, Klaus played their part. They were the loud, obnoxious junkie and they wouldn’t dare prove their siblings wrong.


End file.
